Who Owns Your Happiness

March 26, 2015 - Thursday - 9:43PM - by Patricia Fuqua

Married people in stable relationships experience more wealth, health and happiness than single people. The stable relationship has a built-in foundation for work-life balance. However, 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce. Most divorces are initiated by women.

They say these thing about the defunct marriage... “He took me for granted. My needs weren’t being met. I supported him, but got nothing in return.”
These statistics for divorce reveal that 5 out 10 marriages are neither stable nor happy.

Here’s the question of the day: Who is responsible for each person’s happiness in a committed relationship? Is it the individual’s? Is it the partner’s?

I’m going to share a story about a couple with you and together we’ll explore who is in charge of happiness in relationship. Let’s go!

There was a very neglectful husband. His wife managed the household, paid the bills, washed, cooked and entertained. He never said a word of thanks. Finally she died. He started to miss her and all that she did so much that he contacted a psychic medium to see how she fared in the afterlife.
He: Are you happy?
She: Yes, I’m happy.
He: Are you happier than you were with me.
She: I’m very happy.
He: Are you in heaven?
She: No, I’m not in heaven...

The husband in this story had a rude awakening. His late wife had more happiness in hell than living with him. But whose responsibility was it to ensure her happiness? Do you think hers? Do you think his?

I’m using a quote from one of my mentors to clarify who is in charge of happiness in relationship.

“For everyone who asks, it’s given.
For those who seek it shall be found.
For those who knock, it shall be opened.”

First let’s apply to the story “Ask and it shall be given.”
Recently my husband of 40 years invited his out of town relatives to dinner. These folks are big eaters and my husband is a very good cook. I had an all day conference and wanted to have my plate ready when I returned that evening. My husband is not psychic. I ask him directly for what I want.

Our conversation went like this:
Me:Honey, Can you fix my plate? You know how I enjoy your jambalaya.
I’m afraid Cousin Mary will clean the pots.
He: Sure baby. You got it.
Me: Thank you, love.
When I returned home, my big-boned cousin said, “Girl, he made your plate first. He said he wanted to be sure you had your dinner.”
Here I took charge of my happiness. He shared that he felt good when he could please me.

On the other hand, the overworked wife could have asked for some help from her husband. She could have said, “I’m glad to cook and clean so you can feel comfortable but I’m getting too tired keeping this house. Could we hire a housekeeper?”
He: Just call the agency, my queen. I was thinking you wanted to do it all yourself.
She: Thank you!

When wives give their partner clear directions about how to support them, they increase their chances for happiness 100%.

Let’s go on to apply “Seek and it shall be found.”

Cindy sat down at my desk and said, “Patricia, there are no good men. ” We decided that she only needed one good man who would bring her a feeling of privilege. We organized her social calendar to date only men who could provide that experience. Within 6 months she met him at the Caesar Palace lobby in Vegas. They’ve been happily married for the last 10 years because Cindy dated with integrity.

On the other hand, the dutiful wife wasn’t self aware enough to ask her husband to pamper her with his more than adequate income. Sadly, she let the marriage drift along into the dark waters of exhaustion.

When single adults prepare for what they want to experience in relationship, they increase their chances for happiness 100%.

Last, let’s end with “Knock and it will be opened to you.”

Sarita had been divorced twice when she found my homestudy course at DatingDiamonds.com. She completed the exercises that helped her heal her inner pain about relationship. She met Leonard in November, got engaged in February and married in March. Her healed self image opened her heart to the love of her life.

On the other hand, the unhappy wife did not know who to ask for help. Blindfolded by duty, she put her needs on the back burner of the marriage and let them shrivel up from neglect.

When divorced adults get help to heal their inner pain, they increase their chances for happiness 100%.

Now, let’s hear our original story again.

There was a very neglectful husband. His wife managed the household, paid the bills, washed, cooked and entertained. He never said a word of thanks. Finally she died. He started to miss her and all that she did so much that he contacted a psychic medium to see how she fared in the afterlife.
He: Are you happy?
She: Yes, I’m happy.
He: Are you happier than you were with me.
She: I’m very happy.
He: Are you in heaven?

She: No, I’m not in heaven...

Whose responsibility was it to ensure her happiness? Do you think hers? Do you think his?
I think that it was HER responsibility to give HIM the directions for pleasing HER.

Here’s the message for each of us, folks: Take control of your own happiness in relationship! Everyone else’s is taken.